Why do you choose to be cruel?

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A few years ago, I bore my first children, triplets. The room in which they were born was cramped; I could only lie in one position. The contractions lasted a day and a night. Through the strip of glass in the roof, I saw the first beams of sunrise and, hours later, the gentle dying of the light. There was screaming around me; I was not the only one giving birth. Quietly I groaned. I started feeding my children. It was in the same small room, but I enjoyed their smell, their soft downy hair, and their mischievous look. After a while, they were taken away. Why that happened, I don't know. Six months later I was pregnant again. Now I am dead. Murdered, with a knife. I became detached from my body. In that moment I realised I had lived my life as a pig.

I must have been reincarnated as a human. The living creature I am today is totally committed to the fate of animals. I never eat them. I don't understand people who do. They refer to the otherness of animals, to the law of nature. Predators eat prey animals. We are omnivores. At dinners I behave politely, even if my fellow diners order a steak weighing three hundred grams. Well done, please. I want to show people what I see, what I feel. How do I manage that without becoming ‘the other’ for them, the know-it-all, the one who wants to take something away?

On the street I see a small piece of graffiti saying: ‘If eating meat is a choice, why do you choose to be cruel?’ Meanwhile I don’t see many people in my environment choosing to be vegetarian or vegan.

Unpleasant subject
I'm staying at an old Dutch farmhouse for a few days to write. It’s December, the days are short. It’s a house with wooden support beams and a low ceiling. There are mice living above me. Or maybe rats, they walk noisily. As far as I can see, they don't come inside. Here I think about the pigs and their fate. I ask My AI on Snapchat how many young a breeding sow has (8 to 12 piglets a time. ‘They are so cute! Pig emoji and hearts’) and how long she lives (3 to 5 years, then she is slaughtered). When I ask how the pig is slaughtered, My AI apologises. ‘Sorry, I can't talk about this subject.’ When I ask about it further, I am told it is too unpleasant and sensitive. ‘Let's talk about something more fun and positive!’